The Chizuko Interview

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Is this on? Mic check, mic check, 1-2 1-2?
Okay, I think this is on!
Hello, everyone! It's nice to meet you! I'm Sakamaki Chizuko, and over the next few days I'm going to be interviewing all of the special guests at shitposts studios.
Starting with... me!
Hello, Sakamaki Chizuko! It's nice to meet you.
It's nice to meet you too.
Would you mind telling me where you're from?
Oh, of course! I'm coming here from the Shion Girls Academy in Japan.
That's so cool! Do you have any hobbies?
Hmm... Well, I love performing music!
I'm part of the disciplinary committee too, but I'm not sure if that's a hobby...
To be honest, I'm just happy to be with my friends!
Well, they always say you should live in the moment! Next up is...
What brought you to the tournament?
I got an invitation!
Really? I thought they only handed those out to contestants!
So did I! But I came home from a performance, and there it was!
Talk about a lucky break!
That's not even the strangest part! I opened up the envelope, and it was formatted in a very odd way.
And you're a member of the disciplinary committee, so you'd know all about formalities, right?
Right!
It wasn't an actual invitation, or even a job offer.
It was a haiku!
Really?!
Do you still remember how it went?
Hmm...
Got it!
Shitposts Studios
Your chance at superstardom
Signed: your biggest fan.
With a letter like that, you'd have no choice but to accept.
I'd have done the same thing.
Well, I think that wraps up our interview for today. Thank you for coming, and best of luck reporting!
Good luck to you too! Nice to meet you!
Now, let's see, how do I turn this o-